this is the tune of the summer right now, for me anyway. – We Can’t Stop
I can’t believe I haven’t written a post for SO long! I think I was grumpy at tumblr for a while because I did write a post whilst we were in Wales and for some reason my phone didn’t upload it and it was lost forever.
In five days my family move to Calgary. We are at the stage where most of the house is boxed up and towering over us in the corner of the lounge and we’re just waiting. We’re going to take my cat to move her into my grandparents house over this weekend then we’re back to watch everything get loaded into the moving van on Tuesday. I can’t begin to explain how weird it is. How mixed up I feel and I know my mother and brother feel too. But their situation is slightly more relatable with people because quite a few move abroad these day. We’re going the opposite way to the crowd because it’s normally the student flying the nest and going anywhere they want to go with their parents staying in the same country.. let alone place. But my parents are flying and I’m the sitting duck. I love my life here, I love Nottingham, I love this village and I am going to miss it so much as a place to come back to, a place to call home.
And it’s in a moment like this I wish (selfishly) that all my friends lived a few doors down. That they’d just have to see me constantly to keep me busy because I’m not going to have my best friend of a mother to have around. I feel like this is a point in my life where I really have to be an adult. I don’t have my parents or Wheatfield Barn to run back to whenever I need or want to. Yes, I have many relatives and family friends who have so generously offered to have me but it’s not the same y’know? And it just makes me ponder when people ask me how it’s going because no matter what I say they won’t understand or read between the lines. Do they expect me to burst into tears constantly? Jump up and down ushering Mum out of the door because I want so much freedom? I do appreciate people asking and showing some kindness but sometimes I wonder “what’s the point in asking if you’re not interested in the question? Ask Mum because you care about her, don’t ask me just because it’s courtesy.” I guess that one’s expectations of people within their own circle can be floundered. And I’m fed up of being asked for the sake of it because it just stirs up it all up in the back of my mind again with no benefit of me letting what I really feel out.
I am sorry that this is quite a emotionally fuelled post but it’s a milestone. In a week’s time my life will be no different except that my parents are 4,000 miles away, I can’t message my mum before two in the afternoon because of the time difference but most importantly, it’s a big change that we can’t do things as a family easily anymore. It’s no longer the Evans Family. It’s split into two halves except for small amount of time I’m in Canada or they’re over here.
Oh well, life is an adventure.