So it’s already March. Yet I can’t wait for it to be April. Why? Just because this month is one of those where impatience becomes a challenge to overcome. I’m waiting on a few things to happen that will affect my future but I cannot predict how it’ll pan out until we get to the end of March. I’ve got an interview for a summer job, I’m going up to Sheffield to see the University and have a chat with the admissions director and we get our exam timetables for May. Eeek.
I chose the image for this post because it captures life at the moment. You can interpret it as you like!
Life has been a challenge this week. It was bound to happen since I started it feeling so empowered and before midday on Monday, I was about to crash and burn. How does that make sense?
The one thing I’ve never dealt well with is being alone. I don’t mean I need a babysitter 24/7, I do enjoy having me, myself and I for company from time to time… But loneliness gets to me. I’m sure this is pretty much the same for everyone, we have the fears of being unlovable, not being good enough etc when we are the complete opposite. However sometimes the cogs of interpersonal relationships break down for no reason and I find it difficult to cope. I understand that final year is a period of time where the library is your best friend, your books are your confidantes and Facebook is your escape… That being said, there’s only so much anti-social behaviour us humans can manage before being sent off to the “loony bin”. I’m not an antisocial person nor am I married to the library… But the cogs aren’t turning.
This week I’ve realised, when I’m sat at my desk feeling as low as one can go ( and I ashamedly feel sorry for myself), that it’s not as hard as I think. We all have different reasons why we feel lonely and my loneliness and absolute fear of being abandoned stems from the fact that my parents moved. This isn’t a stroppy sulk because they did, but more of a realisation that there are knock-on effects and I’ve got to find ways to not feel like this. I’m home but everyone feels so far away. When I was in Canada I wanted to come back because my home here is safe and secure… But really, it’s not. Call me soppy but Danny is on the other side of the world living it up in China and I miss him. I can definitely say it’s difficult being the one at home. 😂 Just half an hour with any of my family or him in person would be so grand right now…
Nevertheless, this is no time to sit in a corner and act like the grass is greener on the other side. It only is if you let it be. So I’m just going to share my thoughts on how to deal with loneliness no matter the situation we’re in, and hope it works like magic (I’m crossing my fingers as I say this)
#1 – Laughter is the best medicine. I always forget how good it is. If none of your friends or family are around, watch some comedy shows, a movie that makes you grin and laugh until your stomach hurts.
#2 – I’ve realised that I don’t give my friends enough credit. It’s not about going to a friend and letting it all out. It may feel good to get it off your chest, but that doesn’t build anything healthy or fill in the space you’ve just created if you just reel out what’s on your mind. Go and do something with them, have a catch up about their lives, it’s likely you’ll end up laughing about something too!
#3 – If you’re feeling over-worked or you now know the library’s shelving arrangements off by heart, get out of there man! It may be silly for me to suggest an activity for yourself but I find going for a walk about the area I live… Even though it’s not exactly pretty… Can make a difference. It clears your head a little and the fresh air does you good. It’s not about exercise, it’s just about giving yourself some well-earned space.
#4 – If the people you miss or want to talk to are far away, arrange a Skype date so you can see their face. It makes them seem like they’re not actually miles and miles away. You can just tell them you love ’em and you’re gonna see them soon.
I could go on but I don’t want to babble at you all too much. I’ve wanted to write this post for a while but have let fear stop me. I hope that what I’m trying to say doesn’t come across negative, and in this big wide world, we’ve got so much more than we realise. The picture of my feet on a bridge shows that we all are on an adventure, our shoes covered in our difficult (and rewarding) experiences that make us feel like we’re wading through thick mud, and life just rushes beneath us like a stream. Crossing a bridge may be difficult or scary, it can be broken or badly made, but we make it in the end…. (metaphor over haha)
My last point is:
#5 – love yourself. I know that sounds silly but if you’re upset about anything, big or small, important or not… Don’t beat yourself up about it. Be positive. We get dealt a bad hand sometimes and we gotta roll with it best we can. And to do this, appreciating who we are and everything good and bad (as shui said on my hongbao adventure), it’ll make everything a little brighter, a little easier and ultimately: happier.